Parenting a Medically Complex Child
You knew becoming a parent wouldn’t be easy, but no one goes into parenting expecting that their child will have complex medical needs. With each learning of a new diagnosis, your life is changed. As you rush from one appointment to the next, one treatment to the next, it can feel hard to stop to give yourself space for your needs.
Maybe you feel envious of parents who get to just be parents, while you feel like the parent + nurse + care coordinator + advocate +,+,+,+. You may worry how your role of caregiver is impacting your relationships with your partner and other children, or your performance at work. Though it can feel like your role of caregiver has taken over, you —a person with your own needs and feelings— are still in there.
After going through medical trauma with your child, it is common to feel anxiety when visiting a hospital or specialist. Or maybe you find yourself continually brace yourself for the unknown – wondering when the next hospital stay, the next medication or supply issue, or the next set of bad news will happen. It can feel really hard for your nervous system to slow down and allow you to relax. Your brain may try to tell you that planning for all the possibilities keeps you in control, but it is so exhausting and you wonder if it really helps.
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Caring for yourself is a form of caring for your child
If being a caregiver and parent for your medically complex child has become overwhelming, therapy can help. In therapy, you can explore and process any feelings of frustration, shame, guilt, or burnout that may arise. A therapist can also provide support on setting boundaries and help you feel less alone with feelings of sadness, grief or fear.
When you give your (commonly held, well-earned) negative feelings space to exist and be seen and cared for, it becomes easier to also connect to the joys of parenting your beautiful child. The joy doesn’t negate the other feelings, but therapy can help you to connect to the goodness that is there, too.
By addressing your own emotional well-being, therapy can ultimately empower you to better care for your medically complex child and maintain a healthier balance in your life.
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It can feel SO hard to make space for yourself when your obligations are so heavy and important. Telehealth/ virtual therapy allows you to receive care and support without leaving your home. While ideally you wouldn't have caregiving duties during session times, meeting online means that if life happens and you need to be, it doesn't mean therapy can't happen.
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Let's face it, what you are doing is hard work, and you deserve care, too. Frequent signs of caregiver stress to keep an eye out for include: Feeling overwhelmed or constantly worried; Feeling tired often (regardless of how much sleep you get); Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep; Gaining or losing weight; Becoming easily irritated or angry; Losing interest in activities you used to enjoy; Feeling sad for most of the day, most days; Having frequent headaches, bodily pain or other physical problems.
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The first thing we will do is a free 15- minute consultation. This gives us a chance to ask each other questions and see if this feels like a good fit. I will ask about what's going on and what your goals for counseling, and answer any questions you have working together.
Our first session will be information gathering. We will talk about what led you to reach out, your history, any diagnoses and what you want to work on.
In our subsequent sessions, we will help you to explore your inner world so you can begin to understand yourself in a new way. We will help you access self-compassion, hold space for the parts of you that are suffering, and explore how to build new, healthy strategies to cope with the stressors of your life.
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